Scene 3  - On the beach

Aladdin and Zak are getting ready to dive, putting on goggles and flippers.

Zak (laughing)So we have to hold our breaths for as long as a mermaid’s song huh?

Aladdin       Of course, everybody knows how long that is.

Zak             Well, how long, smarty pants?

Aladdin       Oh you know – how long is a piece if string?

Zak             Untold wealth and power.

Aladdin       It would be nice. I could move out of my mother’s place.

Zak             You? Move out? It would kill her!

Aladdin       I know, but at 18 I should be getting a bit more independent. She needs to find herself someone else to mollycoddle.

Zak             You mean another husband? At her age?

Aladdin       It’s not so impossible – is it? It’s my only hope! Oh if only I were rich.

Song

Zak             Well it is a beautiful day, so let’s go.

Aladdin       We’ll have a contest. Who can stay under the longest?

Zak             You mean who can dive for as long as it takes for the mermaid to finish her song? As they say, it ain’t over ‘till the fishy lady sings.

Aladdin       That’s right, ready steady go.

Zak             Wait, remember to look out for something on the bottom that twitches.

Aladdin       Why, what will that be?

Zak             A nervous wreck, ha, ha, ha. Get it- a nervous wreck.

Aladdin       Oh shut up, let’s go…

They dive in. Zak goes to the audience and finds oysters under seats and around the front of the hall. Aladdin swims right round the hall. Zak goes back up to the shore and releases his breath. He smiles and looks out for Aladdin returning. Aladdin is still swimming and he reaches the entrance to the cave. He picks up an oyster and heads back up the short way. When he lands on the beach he collapses on the ground.

Zak             Al, Al, are you OK?

Zak puts Aladdin into the recovery position and hits him on the back. Aladdin gasps for breath and coughs..

Aladdin       Zak, I-I’m OK I think.

Zak             Alright, you won by miles. But that was too long – you’ll drown if you do that again.

Aladdin       I know mate I’m sorry. Just competitive I guess.

Zak             Well you might have won the breathing contest but who found the most pearls? I got 3, look.

Zak holds out 3 tiny pearls. Aladdin opens his oyster and out falls an enormous round pearl. They both gasp.

Zak             Aladdin!

Aladdin       I don’t believe it!

Zak             It’s magnificent!

Aladdin (Stage whisper) I found the cave of wonders!

Enter Abenazer – the audience should hiss. He sneaks up behind the boys, who haven’t noticed him .

Zak             You think it’s that valuable – it’s only one pearl.

Aladdin       No but, yes but… you don’t understand Zak, it was at the mouth of a cave, but I couldn’t explore because I ran out of breath.

Zak             Aladdin, you can’t go back down there – it’s too far! It’s not worth it buddy! It’s no good being rich, if you’re dead!

Abenazer    Oh Zak – ( he snatches the pearl from Zak’s fingers) don’t be so melodramatic. Of course Aladdin wants to explore the cave, don’t you Aladdin. Unless of course Zak wants to put you off, so he can go and get all the treasure for himself.

Aladdin       I found the cave Zak, I’ll do the exploring – I can’t believe you would try to trick me like that.

Zak             But Aladdin, I would never do that! Have you forgotten that I almost had to give you the kiss of life not 2 minutes ago?

Aladdin       Its true uncle, it’s too deep. I’m just not up to it. Sorry uncle. But what about that one. How much can you get for it?

Abenazer    Well let me see. It is quite large, but cloudy and not perfectly round – I reckon I could maybe get, if I use my connections and well, perhaps I could push it up to… a fiver.

Aladdin       Five pounds? Is that all?

Abenazer    What do you mean is that all? I travel down here every day and leave my other business on hold, just because you are family? You are a greedy boy Aladdin! Is that all? You deserve a clip round the ear! I’ll discuss this with your mother!

Aladdin (exasperated)I’m sorry uncle – OK – just leave me alone!

Abenazer storms off!

Aladdin       What a break, I nearly died and all I get is £5!

Zak             So? Do I get an apology?

Aladdin       What? Oh man – I’m so sorry. Uncle just gets me all mixed up. Of course I trust you. You don’t even know where I went. Do you?

Zak             No!? I can’t hold my breath as long as you and I don’t know where it is – this cave of wonders as you call it. I don’t even believe it exists! You got lucky and found a big pearl, why don’t just celebrate that – you’ve never earned £5 in a day in your whole life – I can’t believe the way your acting!

Aladdin       You as well – why is everyone angry with me today? I’m going home!

Aladdin storms off.

Zak             I don’t know – untold wealth and power. Daz and I are happy with our little house and this beautiful life.

Enter Daz

Daz             Zak, Zak, what’s going on? Why is everyone so angry?

Zak             Oh Daz, I don’t know. I just thank my lucky stars I’ve got you.

Daz             Well, actually, I’ve got you a present.

Zak             For me?

Daz             It’s a mobile phone, so we can text each other whenever we like.

Zak             Cool, it’s even got a video – I can record you telling me you love me and play it back every hour.

Daz             Oh Zak. I do love you!

Scene 4 – Under the sea

A fanfare as the King and Queen of the merpeople enter, followed by a young octopus prince.

King           Princess Ariel! Princess Ariel!

Queen         You should know Prince Octopus, you are not Ariel’s first suitor!

King           You are not even the 10^th to be honest. Our daughter is young and has some foolish notions.

Queen         But don’t be downhearted – you are so er handsome.

King           And her dowry will be large!

Queen         Enormous! (aside) We can barely afford it, we had to sell the family coral!

Octopus      I know what you are offering and I’m prepared to take your difficult daughter off your hands. She’ll have to learn some discipline though! A wife of mine will do as she’s told or she’ll go to bed without any sardines!

Queen         Oh dear, we’ve always been quite liberal in our parenting – encouraging originality and so on.

Octopus      Now you see where that namby-pamby attitude has got you – a daughter with ideas! A girl who thinks she has choices! This is going to be harder than I thought – perhaps I’ll need to take more drastic measures! If you are too open minded your brains fall out.

Queen         Ooh, ooh, my dear King, do you think this is really the right thing?

King           (Sadly) The octopus is right I’m afraid, my sweetypie, Ariel must learn to accept that her future remains under the sea.

Enter Ariel and Minnow

King           (sternly) Ah Ariel – your fiancé has arrived. Prince Octopus, this is Princess Ariel. Ariel…

Ariel dutifully kneels and allows Octopus to kiss her hand. Then she stands up and runs to her mother for protection.

Ariel           But Mummy, you always told me I should marry for love!

Queen         Yes dear, but we have been waiting all this time and you don’t fall in love!

King           The mer-law says that a Princess must marry before she reaches 17 years. You have met every Prince under the sea and rejected them one at a time!

Ariel           That’s exactly the problem – under-the-sea – I want to live on land! And all the men I meet are hopeless. You know what I call a man with half a brain?

Octopus      What?

Ariel           Gifted

Octopus      I really have my work cut out – she’s not naughty, she’s down right wicked! Such notions – it’s…it’s… well, it’s indecent!

Queen         Now Ariel, we have a wonderful life here under the sea as you well know…, you tell her Minnow.

Minnow      Ariel, I’m your best friend. You don’t want to leave us all behind do you? Think of all the fun we’ve had down here: dancing through the anemones, hiding in the coral. On land you can only walk or run, down here you can swim in any direction.

 They sing

Ariel           Oh Minnow, we do have fun and Father, I don’t mean to insult you or your world. It is beautiful under here, but that’s exactly it.

Minnow      What is it?

Ariel           “Under” – I don’t want to be under any more, I want to be over the sea, over the world, over the rainbow! I want to go to the top, not the bottom. Can you understand?

Queen         I think we do understand dear.

Octopus      Rainbows? She’s got it bad! You had best give her to my custody as soon as possible – I’ll take her now if you like.

Queen         As you know Ariel darling the problem is, you dream and dream, but you’ll never meet a human. They can’t breathe down here and you can’t walk up there. You’d best go with octopus.

Ariel           No Mother, please. Just give me a little more time.

King           But how long, Ariel? We’ve been waiting for several years already. All your sisters and friends fell in love and got married ages ago.

Ariel           Minnow isn’t married yet.

Minnow      Maybe not, but I’m ready to give it a go. There were some smart looking salmon at Fusion on Friday night.

Ariel           Those geeks – oh Minnow, you can do better than that. There are two reasons why those guys don’t mind their own business. No mind and no business.

Minnow      Hey don’t put me down Ariel, just coz I live in the real world!

Ariel           Daddy, I need a week? Could you give me a week?

Queen         Well, it’s up to the octopus.

King           Please Octopus, give her one week.

Octopus      I’ll give you one week to sort her out and make her see reason. Then I’ll come and claim my dowry and my bride!

He marches off.

Ariel           Oh thank you Daddy and Mummy. I couldn’t go with him. I’d be miserable for ever. I will find love this week, I know I will.

King           But the problem still remains – how will you meet a human?

Ariel           Well actually, I have found a secret place.

Queen         A cave?

Ariel           Yes, a cave, where there is air and a beach, so he’ll be able to breathe.

Queen         But how will he get there?

Ariel           Oh, I’m luring him in with oysters.

King           You’d better not use my best oysters.

Minnow      Don’t worry, she’s just using the ones with big pips.

Queen         That’s my girl. Reel him in with tricks and subterfuge. We all do it! Eh Sweet pie, do you remember the female charms I used to catch you?

King           Yes, it was a fishing rod! Poor bloke, he won’t know what’s hit him. Anyway, who is this chap? You can’t marry just anyone, you know, you are a Princess!

Ariel           Well he is very strong. None of the others can swim anywhere near as far as my cave.

Queen         It is good to have a strong gene pool, but what about wealth? You have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle my dear.

King           You must ascertain that he is a wealthy and important man. A man respected in his own world – I won’t have you shacking up with some no-body!

Ariel           Yes Daddy, but I’m sure there’s no problem. He is so strong and handsome and his legs wiggle so beautifully. Oh Mummy, what do you think they look like when they…walk?

She drifts off round the stage dreaming.

Queen         King dear, I’m still a bit worried about this. Just say they do meet and perhaps even fall in love. She still can’t walk and he can’t breathe under water, no matter how strong he is. Where will they live? What will their children be like? I read in a magazine the other day: mixed marriages can be very difficult!

King           Minnow, will you stay with Ariel and keep an eye on her.

Minnow      That’ll be easy, we always stick together anyway.

Queen         Just take care of our baby, please.
Scene 5 – On the beach

Widow        Now tell me again Abenazer, great wealth? And Aladdin knows where to find it?

Abenazer    That’s right sister, he has found the Cave of Wonders and now he refuses to go back. He refuses to dive once more to save his poor mother from endless poverty and hardship!

Widow        He’d better not refuse if he knows what’s good for him! (She shouts) Aladdin? Aladdin?

Aladdin       What is it mother? I am resting because I nearly drowned this morning.

Widow        Resting? You’ll have plenty of time for resting when we are stinking rich. Get down to that cave at once and bring us back the dosh.

Aladdin       But mother, you don’t understand, it’s too deep! I may not survive another dive at that depth. Anyway, I only found one pearl, I don’t believe in some corny Cave of Wonders fairy tale.

Abenazer    Aladdin is the strongest swimmer for miles. He and only he can dive for as long as takes for the mermaid to finish her song.

Widow        The mermaid? What are you on about?

Aladdin       See Mum, he’s mad, he keeps talking about mermaids and caves. I’m a pearl fisher and I found a pearl – big deal. OK so it was a large round one instead of a tiny squiggly one, but so what?

Abenazer    (He talks as if he is in a trance) The Cave of Wonders is filled with untold wealth and power!

Widow        Oh Aladdin, I know he’s a crackpot, but he’s family. Just try one more time…for Mummy?

Aladdin       You’re asking me to risk my life.

Widow        I know, but what kind of life is it? No money, no future, no girl. Stuck at home with your mother at your age.

Aladdin       (Sarcastically) Thanks Mum, you really know how to cheer me up!

                   Alright, I’ll go one more time, on one condition. If I find nothing I’m leaving the village for ever!

Widow        For ever? Oh my son. You are so brave. I didn’t realise how melodramatic you are. You get that from me!

Enter Daz and Zak

Zak             What’s going on?

Widow        Aladdin is going for my untold wealth and power. Isn’t he a good boy to take such good care of his mother.

Aladdin       Goodbye Mother, goodbye Uncle, goodbye Zak. (He dives and swims behind the curtain)

Zak             No Aladdin. Stop! It’s too deep! He’ll never make it alive! Couldn’t you stop him?

Widow        Stop him? I’m so proud of him, why would I stop him?

Zak             Because you’ll probably never see him again!

Widow        Yes he says he’s moving out – but it won’t be all bad because (she starts to talk as if in a trance) he’ll bring back untold wealth and power from the cave of wonders.

Exit Widow and Abenazer. Daz and Zak crouch down to watch for Aladdin returning.  Aladdin emerges from behind the curtain and we see Ariel watching him. She plants an oyster by the opening of the cave and then hides. Aladdin finds the oyster and enters the cave.

Daz             Oh Zak, do you think Aladdin will be alright?

Zak             I don’t know my love, but I hope so. Do you think he’ll find anything?

Daz             I don’t know. Untold wealth and power.

Zak             Yeah, if we had all that money, we wouldn’t need to live in a shack on the beach.

Daz             But I like the shack on the beach.

Zak             You wouldn’t need to work long hours at the laundry.

Daz             I don’t really mind the work. I just like to be with you in the evenings watch the sun set over the horizon.

Zak             I think untold wealth and power are over-rated. After all, even with all that money, Aladdin won’t have what we’ve got.

They sing.

Scene 6 – In the cave

Aladdin enters the cave where Ariel and Minnow are hiding behind a rock. Aladdin is exhausted and falls to the ground, gasping for breath.

Ariel           (aside)         I got him! He’s actually fallen for the trap. I can’t believe it. Look at those legs – they’re magnificent!

Minnow      Magnificent? I think they look weird!

Aladdin       (Cough, cough.) I can breathe… it’s a cave! I don’t understand – where could the oxygen come from so deep under water?

He gets up and explores, but doesn’t find Ariel who stays behind her rock.

Ariel           He’s walking. Look at him go – I’ve never seen legs so close up before. I should introduce myself, but I’m too frightened.

Minnow      Are you sure this is such a good idea Ariel?

Aladdin       ( looking up at the back of the stage) Here’s the answer! There’s a tiny blow hole that must reach all the way to the open air. There’s no way a man could squeeze through. What an amazing find?

Minnow      If he saw you he’d scream. He’d think you are a freak. Perhaps he’d hurt you – say you’re a monster.

Ariel           I’m afraid you’re right. At the least he’d say I am disgusting – after all, maids on the land have beautiful legs, not like this horrible slimy tail.

Aladdin       What’s this? A pile of pebbles. How could that get there? (He picks one up) No…it can’t be. A pile of pearls. Perfect round gleaming pearls! The cave of wonders! Uncle I found it! I can’t believe it! I found the cave of wonders! (He dances round and stands on the lamp, half buried in the sand.) Ow, what’s this? (He examines it)

Minnow      He has found a pile of pips and he’s so excited. This guy is a bit mad I think, perhaps he’s got the bends.

Ariel           We might as well go. So much for my great romance with a land lubber. I guess I’ll go and marry that octopus after all. I feel so disappointed. (They slide off stage without being noticed).

Aladdin       I think there’s some writing on it.

He rubs the lamp and there’s a puff of smoke, the genie and 2 slaves appear to music with dancers.

Slaves distribute cards or white boards to the audience.

Genie(a bit like Austin Powers)(To the dancers) Thanks baby, see you later!(To Aladdin) Wow man! I really know how to make an entrance! Those chicks are a gorgeous, shagadelic, don’t you think. (He waves off stage with a giggle)         So, what’s it to be Baby? What are we going down to? Where’s the action? Are you OK man?

Aladdin       Er, who are you?

Genie          (Sings) Gene Geanie, caught in a trap! I’m a genie in a bottle baby! Your wish, oh master, is my command. And what about you baby, do you have a name, a label, a calling card?

Aladdin       Um, my name is Aladdin, but where did you come from? I don’t understand!

Genie          Haven’t you ever read any fairy tales cat? I’m a genie! I grant wishes! If you rub my lamp I become your slave and grant you three wishes. It’s not a new concept – I’ve been around for years, although I know you can’t tell, coz I’ve got this anti-aging cream which works …wonders!

Aladdin       Wonders?

Genie          Yeah! Get it? It works wonders in the cave of wonders! I still got it baby – you bet!

Aladdin       The Cave of Wonders? This is really called the Cave of Wonders?

Genie          You didn’t know? Wow time must have really zoomed! At one time everyone knew about me and I was so busy – never a moment’s peace. Anyway, you’re the first to find me for years, so I guess you know the mermaids. Aren’t they something special?

Aladdin       Mermaids don’t exist!

Genie          Oh right, yeah and neither do genies so I guess you’re going to have to rethink your karma man, because here I am! Larger than life and ready to rock!

Aladdin       So you’re saying you can grant me 3 wishes.

Genie          He’s slow, but he’s getting there.

They sing

Aladdin       So what should I wish for?

Slave 1       Do you want some ideas?

Slave 2       Could we spread some options out for you?

Slave 1       Are there any good ones in the audience?

He gets around 4 audience members to call out their answers.

Slave 2       Does that help? Any good ones?

Aladdin       It’s hard to think down here in the cave, could I sleep on it?

Genie          Of course, first things first, let’s go up to Al’s place.

Aladdin       Well, now that you mention it that could be a problem. I barely made it down here and I still feel tired, I don’t know if I can hold my breath that long.

Genie          Well, you have two wish options: either

Slave 1       You wish us back to the beach and we go directly never to return to this God forsaken cave,

Slave 2       Or, if for some reason you want to get back here, you could wish to breathe under water and he’ll do the necessary adaptation to your lungs pronto.

Genie          What’s it to be?

Aladdin looks at the pearl in his hand and at the pile on the ground.

Aladdin       Yes, I must come back. I can’t take all these pearls with me this time and to be able to breathe under water would be a serious advantage in my line of work so: I wish I could breathe under water.

Genie                    Right, that’s done. Let’s go swimming!

Aladdin       You mean – I can breathe! Under water!

Genie          That’s right slow coach – now come on. I don’t want to stay here another minute! This sort of thing ain’t my bag, baby.