Parish of St Mary, Harrington
Pantomime Script
Here you find the script of the Cinderella pantomime we put on. If you find anything you can use, just go ahead and use it. All we ask is that you let us know if you have found this script helpful for anything you are doing by contacting us.
Also available: Robin Hood pantomime Script
Aladdin Under the Sea Pantomime Script
Cinderella
written by Judith Dixon
Opening Song
Scene 1 – the Kitchen
Cinderella is ironing and singing with
mice.
Cinderella At last I have nearly finished all this work. Maybe I’ll be able to sneak out and have a walk (Stretching) I haven’t had a break since 5 this morning and I’d love some fresh air.
Mother (off
stage) There’s so much to do, where is that girl?
Exit mice,
frightened.
Cinderella
Oh dear here comes my stepmother and her gorgeous daughters
Hyacinth and Rose. So much for a break, it’ll be more chores
for Cinders as usual I’m afraid.
Enter Mother and ugly sisters
Mother
Have you finished the ironing yet?
Cinderella
Almost, I was just…
Mother
Well hurry up, we’ve got visitors coming and the drawing
room needs to be hoovered and dusted.
Hyacinth
And the silver polished and we’ll be wanting tea and drop
scones and chocolate cake and cucumber sandwiches at 3.45
precisely.
Rose
Who is coming for tea? Is it young single man with a delicious
body or even an old single man or …
Hyacinth
Oh Rose, not every man who enters this house is a suitor for you.
Rose
Oh yes he is!
Hyacinth and
others Oh no he’s
not!
Rose
Oh yes he is!
Hyacinthetc Oh
no he’s not!
Rose
Well OK maybe not every man!
Hyacinth
You must behave with a bit of decorum, men like a lady who knows
how to entertain. I shall show our guest that this is a house of
dignity and style, Cinderella, the Wedgwood tea set of course!
Rose
But Hyacinth, at my age it is not natural to be without romance.
I have such yearnings! When I was with that Barry, he would buy
me flowers and take me to restaurants. He complimented me and
made me feel so feminine. It was so tragic that the relationship
had to end.
Hyacinth
Yes, a pity he found his glasses after only a week. Still
don’t be down hearted dear, there are all sorts of eligible
men for us both and I don’t intend to let any more slip
away. I’ll do what ever it takes! (Rubs her hands
together greedily)
Rose
Well Mummy, who is coming for tea? Is it worth digging out that
mini skirt or can I get away with the slacks?
Mother
The Prince’s friend Dandini is coming to discuss some
business with your father, so I had better be there to keep them
right, your father is such a muddle head!
Rose
Definitely the mini skirt, and maybe a boob tube.
Cinderella
You don’t want to frighten him, poor man!
Hyacinth
Gracious, a palatial visitor. Perhaps we’d better have the
silver tea set. I must check we’ve got the quilted toilet
tissue, just in case.
Cinderella
Excuse me, I’ve rather a lot to do and unless you’re
going to help…
Exit sisters
and mother quickly making shocked/busy noises.
OK, I’ll do it all myself, as usual.
But Dandini, that
is quite exciting. I wonder what Daddy will be discussing with
him.
Enter Buttons
with a football.
Buttons
Hello Cinders (tries to kiss her but she dodges him with the
ironing basket) You busy?
Cinderella
No, I just felt like doing all this laundry for fun! What’s
with the football?
Buttons
I’ve been discovered – Your father spotted me having a
kick about in the yard last week and he reckons I’ve got
some talent.
Cinderella
Of course you’ve got talent – ever since you scored
that last minute equaliser in the match between the Red Dragon
and the Brewery House…
Buttons
It was great wasn’t it. Anyway, Baron Stoneybroke, your
father, is going to be my personal manager. He’s having
meetings with the coach of the Palace team to see if I can have a
trial.
Cinderella
Ah… the coach of the Palace team isn’t Dandini is it?
Buttons
Yes – how did you know?
Cinderella
Because he’s coming here for tea this afternoon at (imitates
Hyacinth) 3.45 precisely!
Buttons
Oh wow! Hey Cinders, can I serve the tea… please, please!
Cinderella
I don’t know, Buttons, you know how clumsy you can be, do
you think it’s such a great idea? You’ll probably drop
the scones.
Buttons
I thought they liked drop scones! Oh, I’ll be careful.
Please.
Cinderella
Oh all right, but on your head be it. Now off you go, I’ve
got work to do! Where’s that flour…
Scene 2- at the palace
Jones
Pray silence for their Royal Highnesses His Majesty King Rufus of
Harrington and his beauteous Queen Hermione.
King
(aside to servant as he enters) Have you heard the score?
Jones
(whispers) Only 7-0 Your Majesty, our goalkeeper is
improving!
(The King looks
pleased!)
Queen
Rufus, do try to enter your throne room properly. The villagers
will gossip.
King
We really do need to scout for some new talent.
Queen
What do you care if the maidservants are ugly?
King
No dear, football talent! Our Palace team is a laughing stock. We
are doing well this morning as we are only 7-0 down at
half time! And that is against Harrington Under 10s!
Queen
Well you should discuss it with Dandini, you know. Call him now
Jones.
There is another matter we need to sort out… Prince
William’s marriage.
King Oh good is he marrying that singer, what’s her name British Queers?… Britley Steers?
Queen
Good Heavens no, but he hasn’t actually found anyone else
either and if he leaves it any longer it’ll be too late. All
the nice girls will be taken. I have an idea!
King
Oh no dear not another Royal Blind date! Cilla Black will refuse
to do it after the last time when William refused to pick any of
the girls, declaring that they were all obviously ghastly or they
wouldn’t have agreed to go on such a silly program in the
first place!
Queen
This time it will be less public! We’ll have an enormous
ball and invite all the most glamorous ladies in the land.
I’ll let “Hello” magazine know and the “Times
and Star” of course…
King
That does sound a bit public, but it is a good idea
none-the-less.
Enter Prince William in footy kit and Dandini
Dandini
Hail Your Majesty! (Bows low before the King)
William
Hello Mum, Dad… Urm Hail (nods and kind of waves)
King
Well what was the final score?
Dandini
Not too bad actually, we played much better in the second half!
King
What was the score?
Dandini
Oh numbers don’t mean a thing. The game was taught and they
kept on running for at least … 15 minutes.
William
If only we had some more young blood in the team. George Bowness
and the lads from the Tuesday working party are very skillful
with a ball, but the Under 10s were running through their legs!
King
Dandini, tell me the score!
Dandini
15-0, your Majesty.
King
15 – 0! Oh dear it’s so embarrassing. Beaten by a bunch
of kids, whatever next? Listen Dandini, there’s a match on
Friday, against the Scouts. This is your last chance. I’m
not a violent man, but we win that match or you’ll be …(gestures
a knife stabbing Dandini repeatedly)
Dandini
OK! OK, I get the picture. Leave it to me your Majesty.
Queen
William, my dear, we’ve arranged a real treat for you. A
little party on Friday night, well an enormous ball actually.
We’ll invite all the most beautiful girls in the land and
you only have to choose one.
William
Only one, huh.
Dandini
At least you know they won’t turn you down.
William
They’re not allowed to. What chance have I got of finding
one who actually likes me?
King
They don’t have to like you, they just have to live with
you. Poor girl, whoever she is she will have her hands full.
Scene 3 -
In a sports shop
Cinderella is
selecting football boots with salesman.
Cinderella
I’m not saying money is no object, but I do want to get good
ones.
Salesman
Well these ones are the best at £150. And they have the designer
label. But these ones are good too at £15.99, but they
don’t have a designer label.
Cinderella
Well what is the difference between them?
Salesman
Urm… well these ones have this fantastic designer label you
see.
Cinderella
OK. So if I don’t care about the label are they just the
same?
Salesman
Oh no! Because these ones have the designer label of course!
Cinderella
Right I think I understand. Thank you.
Salesman I’ll let you decide, shall I.
Enter Prince William to choose some boots
William
Now which boots will improve my game? (Picks up designer
boots)
Cinderella
Do you know anything about these? I want to buy some for my
friend Buttons who is trying out for a place on a big team. I
just don’t know which ones to choose.
William (aside)
She’s so beautiful! (To Cinderella) Well it
depends how seriously he takes his football.
Cinderella (aside)
He’s gorgeous, but he’s gone for the expensive ones so
he must be a big football star. He won’t be interested in a
scullery girl! (To William) Well, he lives for his
football, it’s the only thing in his life!
William (aside)
Obviously not the only thing – whoever this bloke Buttons is
he’s got the perfect girlfriend.
(To
Cinderella) He’s a lucky guy to have such a girl…
er.. um.. talent!
Cinderella
Well I’d better get these ones then. Thank you for your
advice.
She goes to the
till with the expensive boots.
William
I’ve been looking for girls all this time and when I finally
find the one I want she is going out with someone else.
Cinderella
I’m all in a whirl, just from talking to him. I bet he plays
for one of those premier teams. If only my sisters would let me
watch TV, I’d probably recognise him.
Sing separately
Scene 4
– The kitchen
Enter Mother and Father
Father
Now dear I have business with Mr Dandini and it really is no
concern of yours.
Mother
Don’t be ridiculous, Torquil, you can’t invite Palace
officials to tea and not introduce your wife and daughters. He
would consider it most rude.
Father
Well, I suppose it wouldn’t harm to introduce you briefly.
Mother
That’s right Darling. (To off stage) Girls, tea will
be in the drawing room.
Enter ugly sisters
Hyacinth
Well I should think so too. Imagine entertaining Mr Dandini in
the kitchen.
Rose
What about the decorators Mummy? That Laurence Llewellyn Bowen is
still working on the Drawing Room.
Mother
What? He’s been in there for three weeks.
Rose
Yes, (rubbing her hands) I’m still working on him.
Hyacinth It’ll
have to be Parlour then.
father
Oh no my train set is laid out in there.
Mother You’ll
be laid out in a minute. Laid out flat.
Rose
We could use the Conservatory.
Mother
Oh dear I’ve been flower arranging in there and there are
petals everywhere. Well short of serving tea in the bedroom,
we’d better tell Cinders to tidy the kitchen.
Father
My dearest Cinderella always keeps the kitchen tidy. Anyway
she’s gone out. She said Buttons would be serving tea this
afternoon.
Hyacinth
Tea in the kitchen!
Rose
Buttons serving! This is humiliating!
Hyacinth
I was so looking forward to it.
Rose
I have a headache
Hyacinth
I have indigestion.
Both
We’re going to bed!
Exit ugly
sisters sobbing.
Enter Buttons
with Dandini
Father
Mr Dandini, I’m so pleased to welcome you to my beautiful,
er um humble home. Please sit down. May I present my wife
Clarissa.
Mother
I’m sorry to say that my two daughters are ill disposed, or
well just ill actually, and won’t be able to join us.
Buttons
Thank goodness. A blessing Sir I assure you.
Dandini
I’m sorry to hear that, but this is not a social call,
I’m here on business. I believe you have a proposal for me.
Father
Indeed I have Sir. I have discovered a talent for football.
Dandini
Right, we have quite a lot of players of your ..er.. generation
Sir. I was really looking for someone younger.
Buttons (laughing)
Not him, oh no, that’s funny. He can’t kick a ball!
Father
What my young protégé is trying to say, is that I am not
speaking of my own talent but of his.
Dandini
Who you?
Buttons has got a ball and is showing off
Buttons
Yessir. I play non-stop and could score past fifty David Seamans,
just give me a chance to show you.
Dandini
Careful, oh you’ve squashed my hat!
Father
I would be prepared to let you have him for five big ones!
Dandini
Five pounds you say, well we could perhaps give him a trial.
Father
Five thousand pounds I mean.
Buttons squeals
and spills the tea he was pouring, all over Dandini.
Dandini
Ow - what are trying to do? Five thousand pounds, are you mad?
Mother
Here let me just wipe that off.
Dandini escapes
as they all fuss after him.
Father
That didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.
Mother
I should think not!
Buttons
What were you thinking - £5000?
Father
What about you, pouring tea over him?
Buttons
Well that’s my career over.
Father
You’re right about that, you can pack your bags and leave
this house tomorrow. Idiot.
And that’s
our holiday plans ruined.
Mother
You mean we needed that money for our trip to St Tropez.
Father
Of course, your daughters dresses have cleaned us out, we
haven’t a penny to spare.
Scene5
– At a bus stop
Buttons
This is my last chance now that I’ve ruined things with
Dandini.
Cinderella
Oh Buttons, do you have to go all the way to
Buttons
Your father has fired me so I have nothing to keep me here!
Cinderella Nothing? Buttons your friendship means everything to me, and I shall miss you so much.
Buttons
Cinderella, If there is more than friendship between us,
I’ll stay here. Just say the word… you know I’d
give up any old football for your love.
Cinderella
Oh Buttons, you’re like a brother to me, but I can’t
make myself feel what I don’t and your trial for Manchester
United is so important. I know it’s not
Buttons
Cinders these are great, how did you know? These are the best!
Cinderella
Oh someone helped me.
Buttons
Someone special?
Cinderella
Well, he was kind of amazing I have to admit, but I’ll
probably never see him again so…
Buttons
I hope he’s good enough for you, if anyone ever hurt you
I’d…
Cinderella
I know, I know…but not everyone has such exalted feelings
about me, you know. Anyway, you’ll miss your bus.
Buttons
Then it’s goodbye. Can I have a hug?
Enter Prince
Cinderella hugs
Buttons and kisses his cheek.
Cinderella
Take care, and come back soon my dear.
Prince
It’s her, and this must be Buttons. They’re obviously
in love. Oh well, I’ll just have to try my luck at the ball.
Exit Buttons
Cinderella
notices the Prince and wipes her eyes.
Cinderella
Oh hello again.
William
Hello, I suppose that was Buttons.
Cinderella
Yes, but he’s leaving for
William
Leaving? How could he leave you? You poor child, you need a
shoulder to cry on, come here. There, there, don’t cry.
He puts his
arms round her. Both are smiling but without the other seeing.
William
I don’t even know your name.
Cinderella
I’m Cinderella.
William
I’m William, I live just outside town at the pa… by the
woods.
Cinderella
How lovely, I like to walk there and see the Palace. Have you
ever met any of the royal family? I saw the Queen on a walk about
once.
William
Oh I see them around occasionally.
Mother’s voice off stage
Mother
Cinderella, where are you girl? Come here at once.
Cinderella
Oh I have to go, excuse me William.
Exit Cinderella
William
See you soon Cinderella. I hope.
Scene 6
– At a football pitch
Dandini enters followed by 4 players in mismatched football strip
Dandini
Right you lot, we’ve an important match on Friday and we
have some training to get in. Let me see you in pairs dribbling
round these cones. No I mean dribbling the ball!
They bump into
each other and the balls get mixed up.
No.1 pass the ball to No. 2, no, not into the bushes. No 3 , can
you watch where you’re going, careful, oh no.
They fall in a
heap.
No 1
That was better than last week.
No 2
Yes, we are showing improvement.
No 3
Is it time for a break yet?
Dandini
No no no! No breaks until you can do it right! Start again.
No 1
Did you see
Dandini
This is not a time for chatter! You should be so out of breath
you can’t talk!
No 2
No, I missed it, I was taking Dolores to the Bingo.
No 4
My missus loves bingo, wouldn’t miss it. I have to take her
down so I stay on to keep her company.
No 3
It’s grand for the ladies isn’t it. Mind you, I won a
tenner last week.
No 2
That’s nothing, I won a hundred in May, Legs Eleven is my
lucky number.
By now they are just standing chatting, Dandini is looking at his fixtures book.
Dandini
What is going on? This is supposed to be a training session, not
a bingo anonymous meeting.
No 1
Oh calm down Dandy, we’ll be fine on Friday.
Dandini
Fine? Like you were fine last week, or the week before that? And
don’t call me Dandy! Oh no here comes trouble.
Enter 2 scouts
Scout 1
Hi you lot, are you training for the match?
Scout 2
We were out last night. We ran 8 miles and put in 2 hours of
skill work.
Dandini
8 miles? This lot haven’t even walked 8 miles between them
in the last year.
Scout 1
Well I’m sure what you lack in fitness you make up for in
experience.
The scouts start to dribble the balls round the players, who huddle up as though they were prisoners.
Scout 2
Yeah, our team are trembling in case your experience scores a
goal.
Scout 1
We’ve some experience of our own, we are unbeaten this
season you know after 10 games.
More Scouts
join them and kneel along the front of the stage to sing “We’re
riding along on the crest of a wave”
Player 1
Hey is this a pantomime or a gang show? We can sing too you know,
(aside)it’s just football we have problems with.
Why don’t we try out this Harrington song. You’ll find
it on the back of the programmes? (To audience) You can
join in if you know the tune.
All sing Harrington song.
Scout 1
OK. We’ll see who can sing the best. We’ll take this
side and you can have that lot. We’ll go first.
Right side sing.
Scout 1
That was fantastic. (Throws sweets to right side.)
Player 1
Now it’s our turn.
Left side sing.
Player 1
Told you we’d be the best. ( Throws sweets to left side)
We’ll sing all together one more time.
All sing. Scouts and players exit up the aisle throwing sweets to all.
INTERVAL
Scene 7 – In the kitchen
Ferocious barking heard off stage!
Cinderella No Fluffy, no! Stop
eating the postman!
She collects a mangled, torn dripping
envelope from off stage.
Cinderella What’s this? I can just about decipher it. I think it’s from the palace.
Suddenly the ugly sisters enter with
their mother close behind.
Rose
The palace you say?
Hyacinth What
does it say?
Mother Give
it to me girl, at once!
Cinders hands over the slobbery document gladly and unnecessarily heavily into her stepmother’s hand.
Mother
Oh, er, thank you. Now let me see. “Their Highnoses…
sorry, Highnesses, the King and spleen, no.. Queen (blooming
dog!) of Harrington are delighted to invite all the eligible
maidens of the Kingdom to a ball in honour of Prince
William.”
Rose
A ball.
Hyacinth
How wonderful!
Mother
(Looking critically at her daughters, preferably through a
monocle!)There’s work to be done!
Cinderella
What shall I wear?
Rose
(Coming out of a trance?) You wear? It said eligible, you
can’t go!
Cinderella Oh yes I can!
Sisters Oh no you can’t!
Cinderella (urging the audience to support her) Oh yes I can! etc
Hyacinth
Stop dreaming girl, you know you haven’t a chance –
Mother will fix it for you …to stay at home!!!
Mother
Now, now don’t be unkind. Cinderella, if you have finished
all the Spring cleaning and I mean following all Mrs
Beeton’s instructions about dusting behind pictures,
polishing the underside of all furniture, repainting all scruffy
skirting boards etc. And if you can find something
suitable to wear, then you are most welcome to come to the ball!
Hyacinth
See. By the way Rose, mother said we have to wear something
suitable, that means as little of your blotchy flesh showing as
possible!
Rose Coming from you. No doubt your impression of suitable is to dress up in a tablecloth done up to the neck.
Hyacinth I assure you, I am very well acquainted with the appropriate costume for a ball. When we were at Finishing school in Switzerland I attended the lessons while you were out every night with some local ruffians.
Rose
Oh yes. I had some unfinished business when we finished at
finishing school.
Mother
Come along, we’ll have to find something!
Exit Mother and sisters
Cinderella
Mrs Beeton. Mrs Beeton. Oh what I would do if I could lay hands
on that Mrs Beeton. I haven’t got a dress, or a hope of
doing this work… If only Buttons were here. At least he
would be able to help. Well I hope he’s done well at the
football trials.
Scene 8
– a street
Dandini
This is dreadful. I’ve got to find someone who can play
football.
Prince
This is awful. I’ve got to pick some girl and the only one I
want is deeply in love with someone called...
Together
Buttons!
Prince
What did you say?
Dandini
Buttons, he’s our last chance!
Prince
You know him? He’s the luckiest man alive and a world class
footballer. You’d never get him to play for our team.
Dandini
I think you’ve got him mixed up, he’s muddle head and
an oaf, but he’s under fifty and keen so we’ll have to
give him a try! Oh good here comes his manager now. Hey
there Stoneybroke.
Enter Mother and Father laden with
parcels from the shops. As they realise who this is hailing them,
they bow and drop all the parcels.
Baron
Oh dear. Your Highness, your …(To Dandini) Very
importantness. Um, er. Oh dear.
Mother
Preparations for the ball you see. My daughters are so beautiful
and dying to meet you…
Dandini
Yes yes, but what about Buttons?
Mother and Father
together(confused) Buttons?
Dandini
We need him for the football match tomorrow.
Father
But, but…
Dandini
Don’t worry we’ll pay up, £5000 if we win the
match!!!! He’d better be worth it.
Mother (Interrupts
her husband) Well that will be fine. He’ll be there and
you won’t regret it.
Exit Prince and
Dandini
Father But
Clarissa, Buttons has gone to
Mother Of course he’ll come back. Everyone has romantic ideals about playing for the home team and Goodness knows Buttons is a romantic.
Father Well, I hope you’re right.
Scene 9 - the kitchen
Hyacinth Look what I’ve just got
Rose
What?
Hyacinth It’s
a magic mirror. Look.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the fairest of them all?
Mirror
You can’t ask that. It’s a crime!
I’m in the wrong pantomime
Hyacinth Yes,
yes, don’t put up a fight
I am rather
like Snow White.
Rose
No you’re not, you fool
You resemble more a mule.
Hyacinth Oh
what do you know
Just let the mirror show
Rose (pushing Hyacinth out of the way)
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Who is the fairest
of them all?
Mirror
Sorry to say, I haven’t a clue
But I’d hazard a guess: it’s not you.
Hyacinth (pushing Rose aside)
That’s the only answer that can be
Mirror
No, no, no, it’s not true
I know its not you.
Hyacinth I will
ignore all you’ve said
Now tell us who the Prince will wed
Mirror
The answer is not Rose
Just look at that nose!
Hyacinth Poor
Rose. Never mind
The truth is not always kind
Mirror
Hyacinth will find it hard to find a fella
The fairest of them all is Cinderella
Hyacinth Bah, what
nonsense!
Rose
What do you expect? Downloading magic for mirrors from the
internet indeed! Get a grip!
Rose and Hyacinth storm off
Mirror
Yes, Cinderella- its quite a task we’ve set her
Oh and what a part to give our Rector!
Scene 9a
Jones
This is the ball room Madam. Will that be all?
Joanne
Erm, yes thank you, I think we’ll manage.
Jones exits left
Julie
Is this it? It doesn’t look like a night club.
Christine It’s
not a night club, it’s a palace.
Julie
What are we doing in a palace?
Joanne
We got a gig! (Jumping up and down with excitement) This
is our big break, girls. If we get noticed here, it’ll be
the big time for us, just you wait and see!
Christine
Well, we were really rich and famous after we won that TV
competition – “Pop Groups”.
Julie
Yeah but that was months ago and after two hit singles we sank
without a trace. Poor Joanne even applied to go on Big Brother,
but they hadn’t heard of her so she didn’t make it on
to Celebrity Big Brother and nobody watches the other one so it
didn’t help.
Joanne
(To Christine) Then there your solo career. You lost 15
stones and sang your heart out, but all the papers talked about
was your affair with that football manager.
Christine At
least the papers talked about me.
Julie
Well I gave the ultimate sacrifice and tried getting pregnant,
but I still didn’t get famous and now I’ve got to pay
the child minder every time we get a gig.
Joanne
Well that doesn’t happen very often, so quit complaining.
Julie
You’re one to talk about complaining. You moaned for months
when you were banned from the Galloping Horse for that Karaoke
singing.
Joanne
Well, it was embarrassing. They said I’d ruined a good song,
but it was our song! Anyway, at least I
haven’t been banned from Ashcrofts yet.
Julie
That was completely unjustified. I was not loud and tuneless
every time I went in there, it was the baby crying. That’s
my story and I’m sticking to it!
Christine
This posh palace do, what is it anyway, a royal ball?
Joanne
That’s right so we need to be a bit classy.
Christine Yeah,
just like those girls, Atomic Kitten.
Julie
So what are we called?
Christine Hmm,
what about Atomic Puppy?
Julie
Nice idea, but it lacks originality, what about Nuclear Hamster?
Joanne We want to achieve that sassy, sort of “we could have been brain surgeons but we chose this because our talent was irrepressible”. Do you like “Electronic Goldfish”?
Christine
Sounds like an advert for Duracell. I think we should try a
different train of thought, what about “Herb Girls”?
Julie
Well, “Herb Girls”. I like it, sort of Jane Asher meets
Siouxie and the Banshees.
Joanne
Ok We’re the Herb Girls and now we need to practise our
routine.
They sing and dance.
Scene 10- in the kitchen
Cinderella is alone with the mice scrubbing the underside of a table.
Cinderella It’s hard to be happy and pretty when your only chance of escape from endless tyranny is barred by the underside of a kitchen table! They’ve all gone and of course I have nothing to wear so here I am!
I should be
singing some chirpy song about a nightingale or something but in
actual fact I don’t think I’m allowed to say the words
I’m thinking in a church hall.
At least nothing
can make me feel worse. And I’ve always got the knowledge
that Buttons loves me. That is a comfort.
Enter Buttons with a beautiful girl. Mice hide.
Buttons
Hey Cinderella. What’s up?
Cinderella Oh Buttons I’m so unha…
Buttons
That’s great Cinders (not listening to a word she said)
May I introduce Rapunzel. I met her in a tower somewhere and it
was love at first sight. (The lovers gaze sickeningly at each
other).
Cinderella
Great. But why are you here? What about your trial in
Buttons Oh didn’t you hear? I’m playing for the palace team tomorrow. Dandini says he’ll pay your father £5000 if we can beat the scouts.
Cinderella Well that’s great. No really it is, because then father has some money to take his darling wife away on holiday and I’ll get some peace.
Buttons
Good. Well we’re away out for a romantic dance at the Palace
Ball. See you there. Come on my darling.
Buttons and Rapunzel exit. The mice reappear.
Cinderella
OK. I’m happy for him. He didn’t have to get over me
that quick did he. He’s been sniffing around like a puppy
for years and the first time I need him he’s picked up with
some girl with extraordinarily long hair. I wonder if
William’s at the ball. Oh I wish I could go to the ball…(
she puts her head in her hands and sobs)
There’s a strange lighting effect of some sort and the fairy godmother appears.
Godmother Well here we are.
You’re in a fine pickle. What on earth are you doing to that
table you silly girl?
Cinderella Who
are you?
Godmother You don’t
remember, well I suppose most people don’t remember the day
they’re baptized. Your mother was a pretty special lady. Not
like Harry Potter’s mother, but let’s just say she had
friends in high places! Anyway she asked me to be your Fairy
Godmother and see you were taken care of at the most important
moments of your life. Well this ball is pretty important and so
far you’ve mucked it up completely. You even got rid of
Buttons.
Cinderella Yes
but…
Godmother Buttons has had a
spell put on him to keep an eye on you, but like any spell it had
an antidote, and in this case, don’t ask me why, the
antidote was a pair of expensive football boots.
Cinderella What?…That’s
ridiculous!
Godmother Well that’s as
may be, but now we have to sort this muddle out. You need a
dress, I’ll send it to your room, you don’t want to
dress in front of all these people do you? :“Abracadabra,
look up and look down, Magic me up a glorious gown.”(Cinderella
exits not sure what to expect)That should do it. Now go and
get ready, quick! Now, for some more magic. We need a pumpkin,
can you find one Mouse? And a horse…goodness I
haven’t done this in a year or two… “Abracadabra,
with this spell I endorse, To appear right before me a shimmering
horse” A flash of light. A clotheshorse appears covered
in tinsel.Ah, a clotheshorse. That’s not quite what I
had in mind. Never mind, waste not want not! Better try again:
“Kazeedle Kazoodle, I know it of course, Come to me now oh
galloping horse”. (I’d like to see a clothes horse
gallop!)
Enter Pantomime horse which capers and dances to music like “Make em laugh”, knocking the Fairy godmother over several times.
Horse
I say, I say, I say… and several stand up jokes with drums
etc
Enter Cinderella. All gasp at her loveliness.
Godmother Well, that worked.
Now your coach is waiting, but there is one thing you must
remember, these spells are old and a bit worn out, there have
been a lot of Cinderella pantomimes you know! The spells will
wear off at midnight and you will be left in your rags, so
remember to be home by midnight or you’ll have a lot of
explaining to do!
Cinderella
Oh Fairy Godmother. You have been so kind. Thank you.
Scene 11-At the
ball.
There is music and dancing : The King and Queen, the mother and father, Buttons and Rapunzel are dancing happily, while The Price and Dandini stand aside.
King Now Dandini, remember what I said. If we don’t beat those pesky scouts tomorrow…(drags imaginary knife across throat)
Dandini
Don’t worry, your majesty, we have a new star player.
It’s in the bag. The scouts will be thoroughly beaten.
King
You see to it! I don’t care what you do!
Dandini (to father) That match
tomorrow is the most important of your life,(he gestures a
noose), understand!
Father (to Buttons) You have to make that team win tomorrow, I’ve already fired you once, next time it’s(gestures a gun against his head)
Buttons
Right, no pressure then. I’ll just go out and enjoy it!
Enter ugly sisters.
Hyacinth
Good, mine is certainly the most beautiful dress.
Rose
A pity you haven’t the figure to carry it off, I on the
other hand could wear an old sack and still look ravishing.
Hyacinth
Oh no you couldn’t!
Rose
Oh yes I could!
Hyacinth
Oh no you couldn’t!
Sisters
Not this again! Stop!
Hyacinth
You didn’t need to actually wear an old sack to demonstrate
this dubious ability.
They pick unhelpfully at each others’ attire.
Hyacinth
Who is that with Buttons? I thought he was in love with
Cinderella.
Rose
Yes. She’s had him under her spell for years, at last
he’s seen the light.
Hyacinth
I don’t know, he seems hooked on the “medieval
princess” look, all rather pre-Raphaelite for me.
Rose
Oh look Hyacinth, there’s the Prince and he’s not
dancing. He must have been waiting for me. Oh look he’s seen
me, oh Prince, Helloo…
The prince sees Rose approach and runs off stage in fear.
Hyacinth
Rose, you are as subtle as a charging rhinoceros. Mr Dandini, how
are you? So charmed…
Dandini
Eh? What? Hello, how are you dear ladies? Would you…?
Hyacinth
Oh a dance, how sweet? I’d be delighted to honour you.
They dance, but are interrupted by Rose who has been fidgetting.
The Prince reenters.
Rose
My turn, I think.
Hyacinth
But, oh really, this is not the ladies excuse me.
There is a scuffle and Dandini turns towards the Prince for help, but just then Cinderella enters.
The music changes to a love song and The Prince and Cinders meet centre stage, while the others continue to dance/chat silently further back.
Prince
Why Cinderella, I saw Buttons, but not you and I thought…
Cinderella Oh,
he’s fallen in love with Rapunzel. They make a lovely
couple, don’t you think.
Prince
Do you want me to knock his block off?
Cinderella
Oh no, he’s always been just a friend.
Prince
So you are free, I mean available, I mean, Oh I’m sorry, but
well I love you and…
They sing.
Cinderella And I
love you. I thought you’d never look at the likes of me.
Prince
Oh Cinderella!
Cinderella
Oh William!
Dandini
Excuse me your majesty, but I’m having some trouble over
here. Perhaps it’s your turn…
Cinderella
Your Majesty, You mean, the Prince…
The
Cinderella
Oh no! I must go! William, my dear…
She rushes off, dropping a shoe.
Prince
What happened? After her you fools.
The music is turned up. The sisters clamour round him and he only breaks free in time to pick up the shoe.
Prince
(he is unusually regal and commands the attention of all!)I
declare that the Palace will not rest until the lady be found who
will fit this slipper. And when she is found I will gladly marry
her!
All exit except the King and Queen.
Queen
Was that William? I’ve never heard him speak so…
so…
King
Regally! He is heir to the throne and at last he is showing
himself worthy of the title. This really has been a most
successful evening. Now we’ve just to win the match and find
the girl and we can all go home!
Queen
That’s all right for you to say, I’ll have to organise
the wedding!
Scene 12 - The
kitchen.
The ugly sisters still in ball dresses, but very much dishevelled and sleepy looking. Mother fussing round them. Father asleep in a chair.
Hyacinth
I swear I didn’t know Pimms was alcoholic!
Rose
Well everyone else knew, by the time you’d sung Danny Boy
tearfully three times, we had to be escorted off the Palace
grounds.
Mother
OK, so we did not capture, I mean, impress the Prince last night,
but we have this one last chance. Who knows what size feet she
had, they may well be the same as yours, what size are you
Hyacinth?
Hyacinth
Size 12, mens! But I’ll try Mother.
Rose
Do hangovers make your feet swell?
Mother
Oh really, how many times do I have to tell you two to lay off
for the sake of …
Servant
Pray silence for Prince William of Harrington.
Enter Dandini and the Prince.
Dandini
Good morning, we’ve tried this blessed slipper on 237 feet
tonight, so if your looking for a nasty fungal infection between
your toes, roll up!
Hyacinth
Oh me first. I know it’s my shoe, especially as I seem to
have lost…
Rose
No dear, that was when you ran through the flower beds, trying
escape the dogs they had set on us!
Hyacinth
What? Oh rubbish. Now let me have a try… there you are it
fits perfectly.
Her dress is partially covering her foot. The Prince looks horrified, until Dandini lifts her dress up revealing the rest of her foot.
Rose
I think it’s my turn. My feet have always been delicate,
everyone says so.
Dandini
That may be, but this slipper does not fit you.
Prince
Is that everyone? I think this was the last place we had to look.
She must have been a fairy, or a figment of my imagination.
Father wakes up.
Father
What? Huh? Who? Good heavens, it’s the Prince and Mr
Dandini. What an honour? I…
Dandini
Yes and it’s a big day to wake up for. If your Buttons plays
well today, you get £5000, and we both get to stay alive! I hope
he’s training.
Father
Oh yes, he’s out there now with Cinderella, she’s been
coaching him you know.
Prince
Cinderella, did you say? Send for her immediately? Why was she
not presented to me when I arrived instead of these
monstrosities?
Enter Buttons and Cinderella
Cinderella William.
Oh what a surprise. You’ve got my slipper, how kind of you
to return it.
Dandini slips it on to her foot.
Prince (kneeling) Cinderella, will
you do me the honour of becoming my wife.
Cinderella
You know I will.
Brief refrain of love song.
Scene 13 – at
football pitch
Enter Scouts
Skipper
Well I think we’re ready for them.
Scout 1
We’d be ready for them if we were asleep.
Scout 2
Yeah, those old timers are no match for us.
Some scouts do some simple tricks with football.
Skipper
OK we’ll win this little contest and then we’ll have
time to climb Scafell Pike and build a path up to Napes needle
before it gets dark. Then we’ll build a camp and promptly
leave it to do the coast to coast walk during the night.
There’ll just about be time to clear up our camp before you
go to school tomorrow.
Scout 1
Oh Skipper, you’ll never forget to keep the “out”
in scouting.
Scout 2 (Looking a bit unsure)
Actually there is an “in” in scouting as well, but
nobody seems to care much for it.
Skipper
Come on then boys. Lets go win this game!
They do a scary sort All Blacks dance and then exit.
Scene 14 – the
Palace
Enter Buttons carried on the shoulders of the King, Dandini, father and players
All cheering.
King
Well, my good man. You showed them!
Dandini
I can’t believe we beat those young scoundrels.
They put him down.
Player 1
I’m not sure what just happened, but that young Buttons has
been darting around like a dragonfly.